Complete Oscars Coverage

So Clifford and I are going to ensure that this blog is your one-stop spot for comprehensive coverage of the Academy Awards tonight, or at least until we get sick of them. I haven't really seen any of the movies that have been nominated, but what does that matter? Neither have most of the Academy...

The action has already started!

I think we're just going to make this the rolling blog post for the Oscars. Reload for updates every thirty seconds and you'll be set.

8:39
Nice! Chris Rock should at least save this event from utterly self-absorbed travesty.


"All period pieces should star Russell Crowe." -- Chris Rock. Quote of the Oscars, so far.

8:42
Bush-bashing -- like this.

8:47
Who the fuck is Deacon Jones? Oh, he’s apparently a football player.

8:54
Robin Williams, you are NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Stop trying to implicitly assert otherwise.

8:57
Well I for one think Robin Williams is funny, so f*** off. Pretty interesting tux there, too. More fashion comments to come...

9:04
Two things:
Drew Barrymore has a curious coif going on there. I wonder if that will appear around campus tomorrow.

Beyonce could use more French coaching.

9:25
Water makes the scissors rusty and then they break and the paper scoops them up.

9:28
People in the red states don't like Johnny Carson because humour (other than antiblack or antigay humour) is against their religion.

9:34
"The lovable Mike Meyers"

9:37
Counting Crows?? I thought these guys had deteriorated to playing places like Dartmouth.

9:50
Jake Gyllenhaal: The Bubble Boy himself! Wasn't he also in that movie with the big bunny?

9:52
"The suave, sophisticated Pierce Brosnan" (Earlier in the evening. Thanks to Kartuffe for that one.)

We'll be tracking all epithets used in introductions, don't ask me why.

9:58
Seriously, Sydney Lumet, what a CLASS ACT!

10:18
Food for thought: If Parmenides was right, aren't the Oscars kinda pointless?

10:35
"...and I applaud them."

10:37
This guy who produced the winning Short Subject Documentary is clearly wasted. He's slurring the acceptance speech.

10:39
Scientologist on stage.

10:42
Marty on stage.

10:49
You know what, FUCK Ronald Reagan!

10:55
WTF!? Now they just call it "Millionaire" and drop the "Who Wants to be"?

10:57
This is Beyoncé's THIRD FUCKING PERFORMANCE of the show. If it gets to four, I'm kicking the TV.

11:06
Voiceover: "She is also the first female to be nominated for playing a boxer." Hmmm-kay, thanks for that.

11:15
Voiceover: "This is the ninth award and the fourteenth nomination for Spain." Good job "Spain."

11:31
Yeah, Diet Pepsi rages!

11:41
In conclusion, all of you morality voters can go fuck yourselves. That's right, a film that treats the subject of euthenasia nonjudgementally stole the show. Eat my ass!